Make no mistake:
The SHAE app is the font of all knowledge when it comes to your exercise, diet, social life, inability to under algebra, and other moral failings.
How do I know?
Because I agreed to push notifications, and now it tells me, five times a day. I have to hand it to SHAE - it is nothing if not encouraging, designed to help me move forward with progress, to create the perfect me, to realise my dreams, and to not use too much technology before bed.
This week, we started out on our highly competitive points system, the teams competing for some kind of prize Andy probably hasn’t considered and definitely hasn’t bought yet. We get a maximum of three points (stars) per day: one for eating a meal from SHAE, one for prepping a meal from SHAE, and one for activating a health type “priority.” If only we burned fat doing all the admin on this programme, I’d be ripped and ready for summer.
And, it turns out, this is a common theme, with a large number of people reporting to Andy that they feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the programme and the time it’s taking to get our heads around it all. But, it turns out we are, and luckily, there’s always SHAE to the rescue: “Hey Matt! What are you having for dinner? If you need some ideas, I’ve got some for you.”
But here’s the thing: when you actually start getting into the app’s recipes, and they are legion, they’re actually really, really good, and save a huge amount of hassle in wondering what to eat next. Chicken and new potato tray bake? Check. Green chicken curry? Check. Minty lamb with eggplant relish? Check. Thai chicken stir fry? Check, check, check. The obvious beauty of these meals is they fit your health type as
perfectly as a doctor’s prescription, and if you make enough then that counts as prep, so you’re collecting twice the fucking stars.
Then all there is to do is follow a suggestion on one of the other priorities, such as place, and you’re over the line with maximum points. In my case, the suggestion was to create a nightly ritual where I slow down with relaxing activities (as if), or to create an area in my home where I could enjoy a slow evening (called bed plus book, too easy).
Then the only remaining tips are from Andy, who says, “Keep watching Facebook for tips and updates,” which I’m disregarding, as I hate Facebook 99% of the time.
I have to admit to some surprise at just how comprehensive SHAE really is, even though it’s a lot of work. I’m feeling pretty good, all things considered, so it’s a gold star for me and a dark chocolate reward. If I’m going to progress I think it might be time to take the exercise component a little more seriously, though.
That, and maybe turn off notifications.